Dinner and Dessert
by the Black Rose
Summary: Sousuke x Kaname. After the last episode, Sousuke tries to sort out his feelings, while Kaname hopes to express hers. 'I could make you dinner. Something special...' But does she really want to make him dinner? Or dessert?
1. H'ors d'ouvres

H'ors d'oeuvres

Chapter one of the Dinner and Dessert Series

by the Black Rose

A Full Metal Panic! Fanfic.

AN: Don't look at me like that.  How could I resist writing fanfiction for a series that centered around a guy that looks just like Heero (from GW), bodyguarding for a beautiful girl (with a paper fan)?  Relena needs to take notes from Kaname.

Kaname: See, you hold the paper fan like this, and swing through with your whole arm.

Relena: *picks up fan and attempts the motion*

Kaname: That's good.  Yeah, you've got it.  Okay, so now you just need to practice using it on someone.  Oh, Kurz....

Kurz: *backs away* Ooooh no.  If I'm not getting any, I'm not going to be your whipping boy.

Relena: *smiles slyly* Oooooh, Heero.  What were you saying about that 'mission' of yours again?

Heero: *stands rigidly* It is my duty to protect you.  Nothing more, nothing--- 

Relena: *WHACK WHACK WHACK!!!!* 

Heero: *___*  Who gave her a paper fan? *thud*

Kaname: *WHACK WHACK WHACK!!!*

Sousuke: *falls down next to Heero* She did.

Heero: -___-;;;

***************************************************

Chapter 1

            Blood raced through Kaname's body like a steam engine locomotive on a one-way track. And her face felt as hot as the coal furnace burning deep inside.  She stared at the floor, her eyes not daring to look at the dark-haired boy who accompanied her. 

"You can come in, if you want.  I mean, you're here for the weekend, you don't have to go already, do you?"

            "No."

            Kaname managed a lopsided smile at him before turning her key in the lock.  She opened the door wide, permitting Sousuke to step inside first.  He took his typical rigid stance, arms behind his back as his eyes traveled over the room.  Of course he'd seen the inside of her apartment before....

            "You moved the shelves," he nodded.  "And your table is six inches to the right."

            Oh dear lord.  She frowned at her...her...whatever he was and decided to try talking his language for once.  "At ease," she said in a teasing tone.

            He turned and regarded her out of the corner of his eye.  "I am."

            "You look like you're about to salute my fish."

            His brow furrowed and his bottom lip stuck out ever so slightly.  "I don't understand."

            "Sousuke...." She felt the building exasperation dissipate.  He was too cute when he was being clueless.  She sighed and took his arm, pulling him over to the couch.  There was something she wanted to settle with him.  Something she had to know....

            He took a seat, keeping his feet evenly spaced on the floor and shoulders squared.  The sergeant stared straight ahead, hands flat against his thighs.  Kaname sank down next to him and scooted closer.

            "Sousuke?"

            "What is it?"  He seemed entranced by his view of the front door.  Grey eyes shifted when Kaname's knee brushed against his.  The contact made him turn his head.  He met her gaze for moment, then returned his attention to the door.

            "Ummmm....Would you like some tea? Or coffee? I could make some."

            "I'm fine."  

            "Oh."  Kaname twisted and untwisted her fingers, then let her hands drop to her lap.  Silence hung between them like a heavy curtain, and still, he wouldn't look at her.  How could he just sit there and not say a word? 

 She took a deep breath.  "Sousuke?"

            "What is it?"

            "I...you don't have to protect me anymore?"

            He finally moved and faced her, but now she found that she was the one unable to look at him.  "No.  The threat was neutralized.  You shouldn't be in any further danger."

            "Oh, I see."  The blue-haired girl chewed her lip as she finally allowed her eyes to drift upwards.  This wasn't going well at all.  And he wasn't helping just sitting there like a big rock.  She sighed. 

            "Is something wrong?"

            "I...I'll miss you."  

            "We have phones and electronic mail."

            His tense expressions softened, even if just a little.  Kaname felt a surge heat flood her cheeks.  She smiled at him.  "And you'll come visit me?"  

            "Yes.  I...I like your company.  You'll go fishing with me when I come to visit?"

            Kaname nodded.

            "Good."

            He glanced at his watch and shot up in one swift motion, as if something had pinched his backside.  _Why am I thinking about his - __? _

            "Kaname?"

            "Sousuke?"

"I should leave.  It's getting late."  He started across the room and Kaname stood still, dazedly watching his departure until her mind kicked in and forced her feet to follow.

 "How often do you get time away from Mithril?"

            "It depends," he shrugged.  "It could be six months or longer before I am able to come, depending on my next assignment."

            "Oh.  That long?"

            "It won't seem that long."  His tone seemed unaffected.  

            Kaname fought to take deep, even breaths.  She could hear the tremor in her own voice.           "I think it will seem terribly long."

            "The busier you are, the faster the time goes."

            "Yes, but...If it will be that long before I can see you again, then...."  She had to look away.  She blinked away the tears threatening to invade her eyes, and slowly turned back to him.

            "Kaname?"

            "Sousuke...I, uh...where are you staying? While you're here?"

            "I'm packing up the remaining equipment at the safe house across the street.  I'm to return the key and pay any additional fees tomorrow.  I will most likely stay in a hotel for tomorrow night."

            He reached for the doorknob, but stopped when she placed her palm over the top of his hand.

            "You could stay here. With me. It'd be no trouble.  I'd enjoy the company."

            Sousuke nodded.  

            "I'll make dinner for your last night.  Something special."

            She dropped her hand, and he pulled the door open.  "You don't have to, Kaname."

            "But I want to!"

            "Yes, I...."

            "Sousuke?"

            The soldier stepped out into the hallway, the glow of the florescent light spreading over his unreadable features.  "I should be going.  Good night, Kaname."

            "Good night. See you tomorrow."

            He nodded, and she had to close the door.  She sank back against it, and buried her face in her hands.  "He can be so weird sometimes."

            *******************************************************                      

            The door shut, and he turned to stare at the oak panel.  _Stay here? _He sighed.  _She doesn't mean it that way.  Stop thinking that...Work. I have to complete the assignment. He trudged down the hall to the elevator, but couldn't help looking back at her apartment one last time._

_            "You could stay here. With me.  I'll make dinner...something special."_

Sousuke swallowed against the hard lump that had caught in his throat.  "What am I supposed to do?"

            The apartment seemed empty without Kurz and Melissa's friendly banter.  He didn't understand why they said some of the things they did to one another, and they seemed to speak a different language than he did most of the time, but he had never felt lonely when they were there. 

            He paced from one end of the room to the other, his mind drifting and resurfacing; remembered information, puzzles, rehashed themselves in his brain. 

            _"I apologize for missing our appointment.  I was busy and forgot."_

_            "Oh sure. Fine, whatever." Kaname waved her hand in the air._

_"You're not mad?" _

_            "No."_

_            "Good."  He started off in the opposite direction; one minute, his feet moved underneath him, the next he was face down on the floor.  "Ka- Kaname?"_

She had told him she hated him that day.  His chest tightened strangely just thinking about it.  But then she showed up at his apartment to apologize, bringing the leftovers of the last dinner she had made for him.  

            At completely the wrong time.

            Sousuke collapsed onto the nearest chair, and drummed his fingers on the desk.  "It's just dinner and a place to sleep.  She is not a tempta--"  

The radio signaled an outgoing phone call from Kaname's apartment.  He squared his shoulders and turned away.  

"I don't need to know."

            ***********************************************

            "Melissa?"

            "Kaname!  How is Sousuke?"

            Her voice dropped to almost a whisper.  "He's all right. I guess..."

            "What's wrong? You seem a little down."

            "I...Nothing.  I just called to see how you were."

            The other woman let out an impatient breath.  "Kaname, you know you can tell me.  If there's something I can help you with, well, I've known Sousuke for a while.  He's a good guy, and he likes you."

            "I care about him."

            "I know."

            "A lot."

            Melissa chuckled a bit.  "Hm, yes, I've known that for a while. But have you told him?"

            "No." Her voice was airy as she exhaled the short syllable.

            "Ah."

            "But I want to!" The girl cried.   "Especially since he'll be returning to Mithril, and I probably won't see him for a while. I wanted to tell him, and..."

            "And?"

            "Well," Kaname sighed.  "You know, do something special before he leaves."

            "Ohhhh," Melissa said, sounding like she finally understood something important.

            "I offered to make him dinner tomorrow night."

            "Dinner or dessert?"  The older woman's voice was teasing.

            Kaname hesitated.  "Well...dinner, but I want to, um, make dessert, but I don't know if he'll want dessert, and I especially don't know exactly how to offer...dessert."

            "It's okay.  I'm almost positive that he's, well, never had dessert anywhere else."

            "Oh..."

            "So, Kaname, you're going to have to be the one to take charge."

            "I, uh, haven't made dessert before."

            "I figured as much.  But you don't have anything to worry about," Melissa assured her.  "Unless he's crazier than I thought, he's not exactly going to turn you down."

            "Well, but I want to know that he feels the same way about me.  I don't want to just...seduce him."

            Sousuke dropped the headset.  _Seduce?_

_            ******************************************************_

He returned to pacing back and forth across the room.  He was not prepared to be seduced.  Not prepared at all.  Why would Kaname want to.... 

"Don't question your good luck."  He could practically hear Kurz say in a far away voice.  "Sousuke, she's beautiful and has a great body.  If you're not up for it, I'll gladly take your--" A distant crash sounded, and Sousuke shook his head.  When had he gotten an imagination?  It was like they were—

"Sousuke!  Do you read me? Sousuke!"  Melissa's voice cut into his thoughts.

Sousuke glanced down at where the headset lay on the floor.  He picked it up and placed it back over his head.  "I copy, over."

"You sly dog.  You were listening all along, weren't you?"

He swallowed hard. _Caught._ "No.  Listening to what?"

"Ah ah....  I figured you wouldn't have removed the wire taps yet."

Kurz's voice crackled over the connection.  "See, Sousuke, I told you you'd need those condoms. Ow! Sis! Hey!"

"Idiot.  Shut up."

"I don't understand."  The youngest sergeant stammered into the microphone.  A sharp whine pierced the headset and a man's voice barked into his ear.  Sousuke held the thing at arm's length and could still hear him.

"Oh, geez.  What is there to understand about sleeping with a beautiful girl?  You're hopeless!"

"Kurz, get out of here, so help me God"

Sousuke scowled at the electronic device.   

"Sousuke."  Melissa was talking to him again.  "Sousuke, I know you care about Kaname."

He felt a strange warmth flood his face, but kept silent, intently listening to the woman on the line.  

Kurz cut in.  Again.  "Maybe you should--"

"I told you to shut up!  Sousuke...."

"I'm here.  No.  I understand.  It's an important mission."

Melissa groaned.  "NO NO NO NO!  Girls do not want to have love compared to a mission!"

Sousuke blinked.  "Love?"

"Oh geez." Kurz whined.  "Why didn't I get to go retrieve the equipment from the apartment?"

"Major assigned the mission to me."

"For a reason, Sousuke," Melissa said.  "The Major wanted to give you an opportunity to spend time with Kaname before going on your next assignment."

"Major did?"

"Yes! Now listen to me, and Kurz if you try to touch me there one more time, you'll be sucking dinner out of a straw for the rest of your life!"

"All right, all right.  What's your problem today, Sis?"

"Sargeant Sagara listen up."

Sousuke clicked his heels together and stood at attention in front of the desk.  "Yes."

"I'm ordering you to spend this evening considering how you feel about Kaname Chidori.  For you to complete this mission, I'll upload some appropriate content to the encrypted ftp site, password alpha zero zero foxtrot mary paul one.  Peruse it--"

Kurz laughed.  "Oy, sis, you're sending him porn videos?"

"And report in to Kaname tomorrow evening."

"Understood."

"After that, just relax, Sousuke."

The sergeant nodded.  "Relax. Got it."

"Then report to Danaan at 0900 Monday."

"Yes."

"Oh and bring the camera from the--"  A loud crack split Sousuke's ear, and he had to pull the headset away again.  There was a crash, yelling, then the sound of gunshots.  The Mithirl agent sighed.  He just would never understand those two.

"Sousuke?"

"Yes." He shoved the headset back in place.

"Make that 0930 Monday. And bring flowers." Melissa instructed.

"Flowers?"

"Yes.  For Weber's grave."

**********************************************

AN: That was the warm up.  Up next in chapter 2, how does that worrisome Mithril sergeant feel about Kaname?  Will she have to use the paper fan in order to get him into bed?  Will Sousuke like it?

Sousuke: O_O;;

Kaname: *whacks Sousuke with paper fan* HENTAI!

Sousuke: X_X

Tune in next time for the 'main course' (lemon not appearing until chapter 3).  Thanks for reading!!!

Love,

Rose


	2. Dinner in three courses: Love, lust, and...

Dinner and Dessert

By the Black Rose

A Full Metal Panic! Fanfiction

_AN: Full Metal Panic! Is an awesome series with not enough fanfiction.  And I desperately needed some Sousuke x Kaname kissing and fluff.  Here's my contribution.  It helps me, and it helps Stella's mental state tremendously.  Thank you, as always, Stellaboo, for beta-ing.  Chapters 3 and 4 will be out as soon as she finishes going over them, but they are completely drafted.  Thanks so much for reading!  Love, Rose_

Chapter 2 – Dinner in three courses: Love, lust, and lime

_Alpha zero zero foxtrot mary paul one._ Sousuke typed the password into the ftp program and gained access to Sergeant Mao's encrypted team site.  The information contained, however, was unusual for his typical mission assignments.  He read over the list again.

"The Biology of Love, a dissertation by Professor Y. Byrd.  The Secret to Safe Sex, and 101 Ways to Satisfy Your Lover by S. F. Catz.  Selected romantic scenes from movies including _Gone with the Wind, The Bodyguard, An Officer and a Gentleman, and Blind Target _by Sgt. M. Mao.  Selected passages on romantic feelings from literature classics by Sgt. M. Mao."  Sousuke sighed and hit the download button.  It was going to take all night to get through all this material.  Then, he'd have the rest of the day to pack up the equipment, ship it back to mainland HQ, and then figure out how he felt about Kaname in order to complete his mission.

_"NO NO NO NO!  Girls do not want to have love compared to a mission!" _

Love?  Did he love Kaname?  He choked on the rush of air that seemed to clog his lungs.  He'd never used the word, nor had anyone said it to him.  But it was more than a word; it was a feeling.  _Would he know it if he felt it?  Is that what she feels?  Does she love me? _

The thought warmed his skin, though he hadn't realized he was cold.  He frowned as the progress bar continued to inch across the screen.  His eyes wandered around the room, then stopped on the set of windows that looked out onto Kaname's apartment.  The rooms seemed mostly dark, except for a faint light that crept through the corner of the blinds in what he knew was... the bedroom. 

_"I care about him."_

_"...I want to know that he feels the same way about me.  I don't want to just...seduce him." _

The world spun underneath him - like there wasn't enough oxygen in the room, or the air was somehow bereft of what his body needed to stay conscious and alive.  Why did the word 'seduce' seem to do that to him?  Did he want to be seduced by Kaname?

_Her hand came up to caress his face, and he felt himself relax into her touch.  He couldn't remember a time when someone else had connected with him in such a way.  _

_"You said to believe you a while ago.  That's why I trusted you.  I thought that as long as you were here with me, I would be able to endure all this.  So please... let's go back together." _

"Kaname...."

*******************************************************

            Sousuke blinked at the travel clock.  Eleven forty-eight.  He had slept exactly.... Seven minutes.  He banged his head on the desk.  He still had no idea what he was going to tell her.

            Over the last few hours he had had read, and watched, and read, and thought, and... He came back to the same place again and again.

            He cared.  He liked being with her.  He was unhappy without her.  But... Something deeper? Something permanent?  He knew he wasn't qualified, nor in a good position to make a commitment.  He was an agent of Mithril, and could die on any number of dangerous missions.  So, stray thoughts about an emotional attachment or Kaname Chidori's physical attractiveness had long been buried and dismissed as unacceptable.

            Sousuke frowned when a wave of nausea hit his stomach once again.  Despite his best efforts to get his mind off the images that his brain had conjured from the 101 ways to satisfy your lover, it was a battle he was losing.  He leapt from his chair and ran to the toilet just in time to heave the last of his dinner from the night before.

            Sousuke lay his head on the cool porcelain of the tub, one thought still repeating, torturing him through it all.

            "I can't believe I drank from one of those things."

            *******************************************************

            Kaname adjusted the strap on her dress and fidgeted with her hair.  Her fingers smoothed a few wayward strands that just would NOT stay in place.  They sprung back into their askew state, and she glared at them in the mirror before grabbing a bottle of hairspray.  She wanted the night to be...perfect.  After all, a girl's first time was supposed to be special.   

            _Melissa laughed.  "Oh, I don't think any man would mind just being seduced. But I know that's not what you're after.  And from what I know about Sousuke, I doubt he'd let it happen unless he returns your feelings.  He's not like some other men I know."_

"Kurz," Kaname said and rolled her eyes.  The guy was apparently harmless, but there were times she had her doubts.

            _Sousuke's not like that.  He's sweet - when he's not being Sergeant Clueless. _

She smiled when she thought of the confused expression that so frequently graced his features.  He really could be adorable sometimes.  But then... Kaname sighed.  Her mouth turned downwards.  He wore that serious expression so much more often.

            _"Kaname, you're not a burden.  Don't you remember how many times you helped me? I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.  So, please don't say you'll be all right on your own."_

           But what did that mean?  He'd said things before that made her think he cared about her, but then they'd always turned out...wrong.  Like the invitation to the southern islands.  Kaname blushed as she remembered the bikini she had bought for what she had hoped would be a romantic getaway.  

            "He promised nothing weird.  Then we jumped out of an airplane and swam underwater to a submarine.  I don't think it GETS weirder than that."  The girl shook her head and then set about dusting her face with some loose powder.  She traced a light layer of mascara onto her lashes and found her favorite shade of lipstick.  

But one question still plagued her mind:  

            How did the elusive Mithril sergeant really feel?

            ********************************************************

            Sousuke stacked the last of the equipment by the door and surveyed the empty apartment.  He still had to go downstairs, hand in the key, pay the remaining balance on the lease and sign the papers.  It really should have been Melissa's job, technically, since she was the one in charge of the mission, but the Major had given the assignment to him.  

_            "Sgt. Sagara, step into my office for a moment." __Kalinin__ caught Sousuke passing by the Major's door on his way to his quarters._

_            "Yes sir." The Mithril sergeant did as he requested and with a nod from __Kalinin__, shut the door behind him._

_            "Sit down."_

_            Sousuke sat in the chair across from the Major's desk, keeping his spine straight and rigid despite the Major's more relaxed posture.  The older man sank back into his seat and folded his hands over one knee._

_            "This mission was extremely difficult, I know."_

_            "Yes sir."_

_            "Despite those difficulties, you accomplished the objective.  Commendable."_

_            "Thank you sir."_

_            "At ease."  Sousuke shifted a bit, but couldn't decide quite what constituted 'at ease' when one was already sitting down.  He went back to his original position and waited for his superior to continue.  _

_"Sergeant, due to the nature of the mission, and your lack of experience in this area..."_

_            "Major?"_

_            The grey-haired man rested his hand on a file.  "You've not had a normal upbringing."_

_            "No sir."_

_            "That's part of the reason I chose you for this assignment. I wanted you to see what it was you were missing."_

_            Sousuke blinked at the officer on the other side of the desk.  "I don't understand."_

_            "Sergeant Sagara, you spent several months, for the first time, interacting with young people your age in a normal school environment.  I was hoping you might have come away having learned some lessons."_

_            His mouth felt suddenly dry and he swallowed hard.  He couldn't help but think of her.  "Yes.  There is always something to be learned from any mission."_

            _"What personal lessons did you learn, Sousuke?  Speak freely."_

Knuckles rapped loudly on the door, startling him from his recollection.   Sousuke moved to open it.

            "Hello!  Sign here, please?" The snub-nosed delivery man shoved an order form  at the Mithril agent.

            "What is it?"

            "It's a delivery from Men's Formalwear, ummmm," he flipped the clipboard around.  "It says a Melissa Mao placed the order first thing this morning.  An emergency. I had to push back several deliveries, but the lady was payin for it.  You got an important date tonight with her or what?"

            "Uh, no." Sousuke scribbled on the line and took the plastic-wrapped charcoal suit from the man's hands.

            "Too bad.  And here I was hoping someone was gonna score after all this trouble. Later." The man wiggled his eyebrows and nudged Sousuke in the ribs, then turned away and disappeared down the hallway.

            Sousuke shook his head and stared at the item in his hands.  _Suit? Score? _ This was getting more complicated by the second.  

            ********************************************************

            Sousuke eyed Kaname's apartment door and shifted the roses in his arms. His hand froze at his side, unable or unwilling to knock.  He'd already loosened his tie several times on the way to his destination, but he was still having trouble breathing.  

            A bead of sweat trickled down the side of his face and he smoothed a few damp locks of hair away from his eyes.  Why was this so difficult?  He set his jaw and with a small grunt, heaved his balled fist up to rap his knuckles on the door.

            A mouse could have knocked louder.  The Mithril sergeant swallowed and tapped again.  It was probably audible.  Maybe.  He sighed and sagged against the door, resting his forehead on its cool surface.  

            _It's Kaname._  A voice reasoned in his mind.  _She wants to do something special... _He clenched his eyes shut and tried not to remember her voice and...THAT word.  

_            "I want to seduce him."_

            Sousuke grit his teeth and banged his head.  _Dammit._ Bang! _Stop thinking about it._ Bang! Bang! Ba--

            Air swooshed around his head and his eyes flew open.  He stumbled forward with his momentum, and crashed right into the object of his thoughts.

            "Ow, Sousuke!" Kaname's arms went around him to prevent his fall.  Sousuke quickly righted himself, and reeled back from her embrace.  

"Sorry about the door. I, uh, tripped."

She sighed and tilted her head to one side.  "I wonder about you sometimes.  I really do."

The Mithril sergeant blinked.  He had no idea what that meant.  Sousuke cleared his throat and handed her the flowers.  "These are fire and ice roses.  I brought them for you, Kaname."

A smile blossomed as she took them into her arms. The young woman cradled the blooms and bent to inhale their fragrance.  When she looked up at him again, her brown eyes danced and he felt the temperature of the room increase.  

"Thank you, Sousuke.  They're beautiful."

"Yes.  They are of a rare and conflicting beauty."

"Special?"

"Yes.  Special."

"Thank you."  Kaname turned and led him farther into the apartment.  The space was filled with the warm smells of the dinner she was preparing and the flowery scent of her perfume.  Sousuke started after her, hardly conscious that he had willed his legs to move.  They seemed to want to follow her all on their own.

"I'm glad you like them."

            She beamed, and he felt his shoulders relax.  "Dinner is almost ready.  Take a seat.   I'll put these in some water and be right back." She moved away and headed towards the kitchen.  It was then that he registered just what she was wearing: a long black dress cut down to her waist in the back, and had to be held up with some sort of invisible string.  He bit his lip to keep his jaw from dropping.  She stopped and glanced back over her shoulder, brown eyes staring up at him from beneath lowered lashes, and asked:  "Can I get you something to drink?"

            "No. Thank you. I'm fine."

            She smiled again and continued into the kitchen, her rear bobbing slightly from side to side as she moved.  When she turned the corner, he caught just a glimpse of one long leg through the slit in the side of the skirt.

            The thought appeared out of nowhere, and he had no idea what exactly brought it on...  

            _I'm ready for dessert._

            Four more trips across the living room later - each one replete with shots of her leg as the Mithril agent realized there were two slits in the dress: one on either side and cut all the way up to her thigh – he was safely sitting in a chair, a fragrant meal already served and on the table.  He had to admit, he was hungry.

            Sousuke tasted the dish in front of him and lifted his eyes to meet hers.

            "How..how is it?"

            He nodded. "It is very good."

            Kaname smiled.  "I'm glad."

            Sousuke swallowed hard.  She was still looking at him.  "I have had many people cook for me, but none have made meals like this."

            Kaname raised an eyebrow.  "Many...people cook?" 

            "Yes.  On the Danaan, and before that time, there have been many cooks to prepare our meals. But nothing as good as this."

            She giggled.  

            "What?" The Mithril agent frowned.

            "You're just...so...serious all the time!"

            Laughter wasn't safe. Especially since those invisible strings that were supposed to be holding up her dress had apparently loosened.  The fabric shifted over her chest, revealing...

            He ducked his head and tried to focus his attention on eating the rest of his dinner.   

            The meal over, Kaname took Sousuke's arm and led him over to the couch.  He seated himself on the edge, staring straight ahead, and trying not to notice how close she sat down next to him.

            "Sousuke?"

            "What is it?" He turned and locked his eyes on hers. 

 She blushed and glanced down at the floor.   "Ummmmm...." 

He waited.  A few seconds passed.  She chewed her lip and her hands clutched at the fabric of her skirt.  Kaname took a deep breath.  "When...when you first came to our school..."

Sousuke frowned and tilted his head.  She wouldn't look at him.

"I...I thought you were..."

_Were what? __Normal__, nice, mean...? _

"Attractive."

The Mithril Sergeant raised his eyebrows.  _Unexpected... _

"But then..."  The muscles of her smooth shoulders tensed and she turned her body away from his.  "The more you followed me around, I began to feel like...."

He found himself leaning forward in his seat, unconsciously drawing nearer with every word she spoke.  Sousuke tensed and sat up.

"...you were an annoying, gloomy, militaristic klutz who completely made me and my life miserable."

The Mithril Sergeant choked.  She finally faced him, her brown eyes wide and glossy in the overhead lighting. He couldn't look at them.

"But..."

_There's a but. _

            "Then I realized, it wasn't you that made me miserable.  It was me.  I...Oh, I don't know Sousuke.  Everything...everything's been crazy since I met you.  And maybe it's because of the craziness, or maybe I've finally lost my mind, but...I." Her hand came up to rest on his arm and he met her eyes again..  She held his gaze while she finished.  "I-I've come to...care for you.  Very much." Her head bowed. "As-as more than a friend."

            Sousuke blinked.  She cared.  About him... His hands balled into fists in his lap and he felt the cold sweat return and trickle down his back.  _How do I feel? What do I say?_  The only thing that came to mind was: "Thank you."

            Her shoulders slumped, and her head ducked lower.  Her voice was barely a whisper.  "You...you don't care for me at all..."

            "No.  That's not the truth."

            Her head snapped up.  A tear coursed down the side of her flushed cheek. The sight jabbed a sharp point in his chest and the sergeant found it difficult to breathe.           "S-Sousuke?"

            "Kaname, I..."  Each word felt slow and painful as he forced them from his mouth.  "I tried.  I tried all night to figure this out, and I studied essays and stared at diagrams and watched Rhet kiss Scarlet and I still don't know."

            "Know what?  You can tell me...."  
            "How I feel.  I-I do care about you.  I just..."

            Kaname's voice was still low, but much more even.  "You thought about it all night?"

            He nodded.  "Yes.  I got very little sleep.  And the only thing I could figure out..."

            "Yes?"

            "Was that.... When you smile, I...things, anything seems possible.  And when you cry..." He reached out and wiped away the tear with his thumb.  She shut her eyes and seemed to lean into his touch.  "I hate myself.  And I want to do everything I can to make it right."

            "Sousuke...." Her eyes opened and she peered up at him; a smile slowly overtook her features.  "I love you, too." She surged forward and pressed her lips against his.  

            He froze; her mouth nibbled at his.  After a few seconds, she pulled back a few inches; when she spoke, her mouth still brushed against his. 

            "Sousuke, it would help if you kissed back."

            The Mithril Sargeant took a deep breath and leaned closer to capture her lips.  She sank into the cushions behind her as he sealed his mouth against hers.  A brief moment passed, and Kaname broke away, her chest heaving.

            "I don't need mouth to mouth resuscitation!  It's a kiss!  My first one.... Sousuke, this is so unromantic."  She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes.  He felt the lines form on his forehead.

            "Sorry. I guess I don't understand what you mean by a kiss."

            "It's, well....You're too tense.  Stand up."

            Sousuke obeyed her order.  Kaname gained her feet at the same time and turned to face him. 

            "Come here."

            He took a step forward, placing them mere inches from one another.  He kept his head high as he stared at a point beyond her.  It took him a minute to realize she was untying his tie.

            "Kaname?"

            "These clothes have to go.  You need to relax."

            Sousuke swallowed against a hard lump that had formed in his throat.  _She did say seduce... _ He felt his cheeks grow warm, but he didn't stop her.  She removed his tie and started on the buttons of his jacket. He remained frozen, not daring to move.

            She pressed closer.  He could feel the softness of a certain portion of her body up against his as she peeled away his suit jacket from her position in front of him.  

            "You looked so handsome in it," she said in a whisper.  Her hands began to work the fasteners on the collar of his white shirt. The air was growing steadily hotter.  

            "There, now, sit back down."  She hadn't taken off his dress shirt, just halfway opened it, revealing the white, cotton fabric of his undershirt.  Sousuke complied with her command.

            Kaname sat facing him.  Her long, trim legs were tucked to the side and crossed loosely at the ankle. She was watching her dinner companion, a small frown on her face.  "Is something wrong?"

            He blinked then slowly shook his head.

            "Do...Do you not want to kiss me?"

            "I-I'm sorry," he said.  "I'm just not trained in this type of situation."

            Her face broke out into a smile.  She lowered her head and then peered up at him.  An image from the sexual positions book appeared in his mind and he shifted a bit in his seat.

            "Then I guess I'll just have to train you."

            His eyes widened.  "But, I--"

            She stared at him and jabbed a finger into his chest.  "Do you want to kiss me or not?"

            Sousuke nodded.  "If it is that important to you, then I should learn."

            "What about what you want?"

            "I don't know.  I've spent my whole life as a soldier.  Feelings of this nature... There was no room or time to experience them."

            She nodded slowly and let her hand fall loosely into his.  "I'm sorry."

            "There's no need for you to apologize. If anything I should be the one saying I'm sorry."

            "It's not your fault.  I...I guess I've been asking, expecting too much of you.  But, I can teach you how to kiss me."

            He nodded and squared his shoulders, addressing her in a clipped, militaristic tone.  "Good. I am ready to learn."

            Her lips twitched up into a grin and she stifled a laugh.

            "I'm being too serious again."

            She patted his arm.  "It's cute.  All right, well, close your eyes."

            Sousuke frowned. "But--"

            "You're not questioning orders are you?"

            His eyes clamped shut.  She giggled again and her soothing voice washed over him.  "Relax.... You close your eyes so that your sight doesn't distract you from what you're feeling."

            Her hand came up and cupped his cheek; the softness of her palm was cooler than his skin.  He felt fingers at the base of his neck, combing through the short strands of hair they found there.  His shoulders loosened, and a gentle pressure nudged his head forward and lower.  Heat swept over his face and then the tiniest spark of electricity burnt his lips. His body jerked, and his eyes flew open.  Kaname was staring at him, only millimeters away.

            "Sousuke..." She leaned forward, and he shut his eyes again.  This time, soft petals pressed more firmly against his mouth.  He attempted to mimic her movements, catching her top lip and gently biting back. Her other arm slid around his neck, and she pressed closer.  The Mithril Sergeant felt his lungs protest, and realized he wasn't breathing.  He broke away, heaving for air.

            Kaname panted and her complexion turned pink.  It seemed kissing was difficult for taking in the necessary amount of air.  His pulse raced, and the room seemed uncomfortably cold compared to when she had her arms around him.  He glanced at her and she smiled, then drew him into another kiss.     

            *****************************************************

            He was responding.... His full, warm lips caressed and sucked at her own; Sousuke's entire body leaned forward, pressing into hers, pushing Kaname backwards onto the couch.    She let herself down slowly into a lying position - not wanting to break the growing fervor of his kiss.   

             Sousuke's mouth left hers and trailed down her chin to her neck.  She hugged him tighter and inclined her neck to grant him better access.  Amazingly, he took the hint and continued to lavish his attention on the sensitive flesh.  

            The world spun even beneath her closed lids.  Warmth soaked into her skin wherever he touched her, igniting a slow-burning fire in her veins.  She wanted to be closer to him, and was amazed at how quickly he caught on to kissing... And even though it was a strangely sinful feeling to indulge this attraction and affection she held for the very masculine body hovering above her, she was comfortable with the gradual way he was provoking this... _Desire..._.  

            He lowered himself and settled more of his weight on top of her, as if testing the waters.  Sousuke brought his mouth back up to cover her own.  His kiss was hard, close to bruising, and she was teetering on the edge.  Her hands roved over the material still clinging to his chest.  She wanted to rip off his clothes, feel his hands on her body.  Her blood warmed to a slow, rolling boil.

            "Sousuke..." His name escaped in a low moan.  He stilled above her and she wrenched her heavy eyes open.

            He licked his lips.  She could feel the heat of his breath on her neck.  "I...I should stop."

            All Kaname could manage was a mumble.  "No.  Don't..."

            Sousuke pulled away and sat up, back into a pose that spoke of being just short of 'at attention'.

            "I should go."

            "Sousuke....You...you don't have to go."  She lifted herself onto her elbows in time to see him turn away.  
            "This is...Not why I am here.  My mission--"

            "You said your mission was over.  You don't have to protect me anymore.  I...I want this.  I want you, Sousuke. I-I love you..."

            He turned back towards her, his lips pressed into that thin, unyielding line.  "My mission as far as Mithril is concerned is over.  But I will still protect you.  It is MY mission."

            Kaname bit her lip; tears sprang to her eyes as he stood up from the couch.  He was just going to leave....

            "And I can't protect you like this," he continued, stopping in the center of the room.  "The tactical layout of this dwelling is faulty.  I can think of at least seven ways to break in with little resistance."

            "Break in?"  That was it, the boy was mad.  She was practically in tears over a broken heart, and he was analyzing ways to break into her apartment?  Her fingers itched for her paper fan.  Had she packed it? Where was it? She was going to beat him-

            "There is only one strategic location for maximum defense."

            She scowled at his back, and shot up from the sofa.  Even if she didn't have her paper fan, she could still slap him silly. "Oh?" She hissed, and trudged after him. "Do tell, oh wise and all-knowing sergeant."

            Grey-blue eyes turned to face her, something like determination glittering in their depths.  His brow furrowed slightly above his eyes in that familiar expression of his, but...something wavered in the reflection of the overhead light.  His adams apple bobbed in his neck as he swallowed.

            "I'm waiting." She glared back at him.

            He nodded.  The epitome of seriousness and just utter exasperation!

            "Your bed."

            Kaname's eyes widened at his response. The tactician seemed to realize he had gained the advantage and caught her lips in a searing kiss.  Her knees turned to jelly, but it didn't matter.  Before she could collapse, Sousuke swept her up in his arms and headed for her room.


	3. Dessert with a twist of lime

Dinner and Dessert

By the Black Rose

A Full Metal Panic! Fanfiction

Chapter 3 – Dessert: Lemon cake with lemon frosting and lemonade to drink

            Sousuke leaned over and gently deposited Kaname on top of her bed.  She propped herself up on her elbows while he crossed the room to shut the door.  When he finally turned, he had already begun unbuttoning the rest of his shirt.  Kaname watched his fingers work, and she gasped at the unusual spark that gleamed in his eyes.  She had never seen Sousuke look at her that way.  He turned his attention back the shirt, pulled it off, then removed the t-shirt underneath.  

Kaname continued to watch him, her eyes drawn to the hairless definition of his chest.  She felt her body grow warm.  Sousuke moved closer and sat down on the edge of the mattress.  She swallowed and looked away, expecting him to crawl up next to her and start them on the path towards...towards...

_Making love. Her heart sped up and she glanced at him again.  The Mithril Sergeant was bent over, in the process of removing his shoes.  He completed the task and rose from the bed, carrying his boots over to rest beneath the chair holding his two previously discarded shirts.  Still turned to where she could only see his back, his hands came up to the waist of his pants, and Kaname felt the temperature in the room increase tenfold.  _

_He's...he's just going to take them off?_

As if in answer to her silent question, Sousuke's back muscles rippled and his slacks eased down the length of his thighs.  Kaname's eyes widened at the sight, then she quickly glanced away.  The faint clink of his belt hitting the wooden bars on the back of the chair sounded through the room; her eyes snuck back to peek.... 

Her head grew light and fuzzy, and her face burned as she watched, ogled perhaps, Sousuke removing the last of his clothing: plain, white briefs.  She gripped the edge of the quilt and tried to find a coherent thought swirling in her mind, but the only one that surfaced was...  "Sousuke."

Completely naked, he turned back to face her.  Kaname stared down at the comforter on her bed, but stole glances at him in her peripheral vision.  His ramrod straight posture wasn't the only thing at attention, and the blue-haired girl found it hard to breathe....

He moved.  Towards her.  Sousuke peeled back the edge of the comforter and climbed into the bed.  She could feel his eyes on her, but she couldn't look at him.  All she could see was the image of his nude, well-built form.

"Kaname?" 

She swallowed, but didn't trust herself to speak.

"Did...did I do something wrong?"

Kaname shook her head and slowly turned to him, but the thought of his body, how only the thin comforter hid his... hid him... from her eyes, weighed her gaze down to-- Her cheeks burned and she glanced back to him again.

"Kaname?"

"I...You...I wasn't expecting...y-you to be so naked."

The edges of his mouth curved downwards.  "I don't understand.  I thought this is what you wanted?"

"What I wanted?"

"Not you...me." He stared at the far end of the bed. "Both of us.  But you're still...."

"I've never done this before."

"Sex?"

She buried her face into her hands.  Sex. She didn't want to call it sex.  Sex was meaningless.  Sex could be between two people who didn't care about one another.  She wanted...

He pulled her to him, his arms wrapping tenderly around her shoulders.  His skin burned against her own.  "Are you sure this is what you want?" His voice was gentle, softer than his usual monotone.  She relaxed into his embrace, burying her face into his chest.

"If...if I've done something wrong...."

"No.  You just surprised me."  She managed a smile against the warmth of his body.  "I still want this, Sousuke.  If-if you do?"

Gray-blue eyes met her gaze. "Yes."  He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers - at first, in just a feather light kiss.  She closed her eyes and felt her arms wind around his neck; she pulled herself tight against his body, and felt his hands grip her waist.  His kiss was still a little on the sloppy side, but enjoyable, and he seemed to be a very quick study.  She slid her tongue into his mouth and smiled at the shivers that coursed through her body. But Sousuke didn't seem to be moving.  

Kaname pulled back and stared at the man in her bed.  He was still in the exact same position as before – sitting up impossibly straight, his hands locked on her waist.  She sighed and sat back. Gathering her hair up off her neck, she turned around and asked:  "Unzip me?"   

Heat emanated from his hand and through the fabric of her dress.  An involuntary spasm coursed down her spine at his soft touch.  She turned back to smile at him.

His eyes were dark, unreadable this time.  And something like uncertainty bubbled up from within.  

_"I've never done this before."_

_"Sex?"_

"Sousuke?"

"Yes."

Her arms came up to hold the loosened material of her dress in place.  "H-have you been with...um, done this before?"  She realized how stupid that question was once it left her lips.  He didn't even know how to kiss!

He squared his shoulders, as if he were being questioned by one of his superiors.  "No.  But I have seen pictures and film."

_I didn't want to know..._ "Let me guess.  Kurz."

"Yes.  And Melissa."

"Melissa?"

He nodded.  "Yes. I spent many hours studying positions and techniques.  There are several I think would be interesting, but the most common one for a first experience is the missionary position."

"Sousuke!"

"Yes?"

She growled at him.  "This is so not romantic!  A girl's first time is supposed to be sweet and emotional.  It's supposed to be about love, not...not some experiment out of a sexual positions textbook!"

His eyes dropped to the comforter.

            "Why did I even think--" She stopped when she noticed his white-knuckle grip on the sheet.  His jaw was clenched and his shoulder muscles bulged up from his neck.  Kaname softened her tone and tried to make out the expression on his face.  "Sousuke?"

            "I'm sorry.  I just...I can't seem to do anything right.  Why do you want to be with me?  Why would you care about a guy who just--" He stopped and moved to the edge of the bed.  He threw the covers aside and put both feet on the floor.  Kaname drew a shaky breath at the thought he was leaving.

            He sighed and brought a hand up to his face. "It's like the lambda drive. I feel like there's some rules, some knowledge I should know deep inside, like instinct, but for some reason, I don't.  It's so easy for you, for the others at your school, even for Kurz and Melissa.  Everyone but me.  Why do I always screw this up?"

            "Sousuke...." She scooted next to him, and put her hand on his back.  He remained still and stone-like.  "It's not easy for any of us.  We're just more used to dealing with uncertainty on a day to day basis.  We're better at hiding our inadequacies, whereas you...you're more open about your struggle and confusion.  You don't hide who you are and what you're feeling.  There's something really admirable...and frustrating about that."  He turned to look at her and she smiled.  She smoothed the hair from his face and felt her heart warm when he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.  Such a simple act, but it took her breath away.

            "I'm sorry for getting upset," she said.  "I really do love--"  He cut her off with a searing kiss.  His arms caught her around the waist again, and he pushed her back, allowing the lower half of his body to return to the bed.  She closed her eyes and let him lead.  She could be patient.  This was supposed to be for him, a commitment to him. A promise to wait – and a taste of what he had waiting for him; a reason, a place, to call home.  

            He pushed her back into the mattress, his palms came to rest on either side of her, holding him up.  He slid one knee in between her thighs and continued to kiss her as he hovered above her body.  

            "Sousuke..." Her fingers wrapped around his shoulders, trying to pull him closer.  He resisted, then finally lowered himself onto her and reminded her she was still clothed.  She slid her arms around and pushed lightly on his chest.

            "Hmmmmm..." Blue eyes peered back at her as he took the hint and rose to a kneeling position.  She stood up from the bed, facing him, and drew her arm back to undo the buttons at her neck. The dress slid down, over her hips, and to the floor. 

            Sousuke stared; his eyes traveled the length of Kaname's bra-and-panty-clad form.  Her face burned and she looked away while she climbed back into the bed.  

            His hand came up and turned her chin to face him.  He lowered his lips to hers and drew her into a kiss.  

****************************************************

            His heart pounded in his ears.  The skin of her stomach brushed against his.  The room was growing unbearably warm, and his hands traveled up the long line of her back to rest on either side of her rib cage.  A dull ache had formed in the pit of his stomach that was beginning to spread and intensify. Kaname groaned against his lips.  Sousuke felt he was taking impossibly long; he didn't want to rush her, but she still had far too many clothes on for what they were supposedly trying to accomplish.

            He broke the kiss and mouthed down the side of her neck.  Her head lolled to the other side, granting him greater access to the sensitive flesh; he slid his left hand around to rest just below the cup of her bra. 

            "How...how does this come off?" He whispered.

            "In the back. Hook and eye fasteners."

            Sousuke frowned and reached around her back to find the clasp.  He struggled a bit, then finally brought his other hand to assist.  After a concerted effort to move both ends in opposite directions, he got the tricky garment unhooked.  He shook his head and frowned.

            "Highly inefficient."

            She giggled.  "Well--" Her voice trailed off as he pulled away and gently peeled it off the front of her body.  A light blush colored her features once the bra had been completely removed and discarded over the side of the bed.  Her arms came up to fold over her chest, but he wanted to see....

            He clasped her wrists and pulled them down and away.  Her head bowed further, obstructing his view of her face.  But why was she hiding from him? Was she embarrassed?

            "It's okay.  I have seen--" He stopped.  Wait.  Kaname didn't seem to like it when another woman had his attention – for any reason.  "Never mind." She turned her head to look at him, and he leaned close to kiss her neck, careful not to touch her newly exposed chest.

            "Sousuke?"

            "Kaname...." His hands found her waist again and his mouth trailed down to her shoulder.  His hands itched to touch her, but he knew from past experience, Kaname's chest was off-limits without permission.  

            "Don't...don't you want to touch me?"  He pulled back, his eyes drawn once more to her chest.  And this time, he felt blood rise to his cheeks.  She took his left hand and guided it up to her breast.  His heart sped up to a gallop.

            It was the softest thing he'd ever touched.  The skin was smooth until he moved his palm across the nipple and felt it pucker.  He blinked and the ache in the lower half of his body focused into something sharp. 

Sousuke closed his eyes against the feeling, and when he opened them, she met his gaze.  Her eyes were dark, but somehow managed to dance in the waning light of the sun.  She leaned close and nibbled a kiss onto his mouth.  His arm went around her shoulders as hers wound around his neck.  She was pulling him down on top of her again.

And he had no desire to stop.

_***************************************************_

            He stared up at the ceiling, the girl curled up against his side, her head resting on his chest.  His body was tired, but his mind still buzzed – unwilling to sleep.__

He felt her stir next to him, and tightened his arm to keep her close.  There was no description to accurately quantify or define how it felt to be inside her, to have her hold him, to see her tears when he first entered her.  The whole experience was a blur of vivid colors and excruciating emotion.  It exhausted him through and through, and yet he wished he could go back and separate each instance, each emotion – to analyze and classify each one so he could understand them. 

Her right leg settled in between his calves, and she huddled closer.  He felt something twitch and realized, emotional confusion or not, his body already wanted her again.  Sousuke sighed.  It was completely unfair.  He couldn't remember a time when he felt as comfortable.... He was never again going to be able to sleep on a hard floor under his bunk without remembering, missing, this night.  

Such was his lot in life.

He checked his watch.  There were still a couple of hours until he had to leave in order to be flown back to the rendezvous point with Danaan.  He wasn't sure if he should wake her, or just go.

He wasn't sure about a lot of things.

The Mithril Sergeant had at last figured out how he felt about Kaname.  But that didn't make their relationship an easy thing.  He was going back to battle, as a mercenary for justice, a soldier.... She was going back to high school.  

The brief time he had spent trying to live in her world had left him feeling isolated. His comrades understood him, these...kids did not.  He had tried to fit in, tried to grasp their carefree lifestyles where the biggest problem in their sheltered universe was passing a test, or asking the girl they liked on a date.

But the time Kaname had spent in his....

A smile tugged at his lips.  She had helped him, challenged him, saved him, and even, on occasion, needed him to protect her.  She was...different.  He knew that.  But he still had no clue what happened after this.

Would she allow him to come back when he was on leave - to share her bed? Would she want something else besides the occasional phone call or fairly regular email?  How long would she wait for a soldier who was always gone, and could die on any number of dangerous missions?

One who couldn't guarantee he'd ever come back.

It wasn't like he could just check out because he had a...girlfriend? Lover? Once he joined Mithril, he knew he was in it for life.  There was the possibility that he could retire in about ten years from active service.  Assuming he lived that long.

The whole thing was confusing.  And he didn't want to upset her with his questions.  He figured there was some amount of information in this whole jumble of emotion and confusion that he was missing. 

As usual.

Kaname sighed in her sleep, mumbling what sounded like his name a sweet, dreamy voice.  He planted a kiss into her fragrant hair and shut his eyes to try to sleep.  But the Mithril sergeant found himself constantly wondering at the time.  He didn't want to go....

He didn't want to let her go....

At least.  

At least not yet.


	4. Coffee and brandy hey, what else goes a...

Dinner and Dessert

By the Black Rose

AN: I have lots of excuses, I mean REASONS, why this chapter is so delayed. But, I'll spare you. It's here, now, such as it is, and the fic is finally complete. I would like to thank Stella for betareading, Shinobi for the introduction to the Full Metal Panic! Cast last weekend at Afest. Thanks to Loyce for being the one to suggest we go as the FMP! Girls way back in what, June? And Coley Merrin for being the absolute best Kyouko. You guys rock! 

I'd like to dedicate this to the ADV Full Metal Panic! Cast that attended Afest 2003: Chris "Full Metal" Patton, Greg "the Panty thief" Ayres, Monica "Nerds Rule" Rial, and Vic "Sousuke's a Drip" Mignogna. We had such a blast meeting you guys! J 

As always, thanks for reading. Love, Rose

Rated R for an allusion to previous sexual experience, but nothing graphic. It is consistent with subject matter contained in a Rated R movie.

**Chapter 4**

(The spoon. There is a spoon. And something nearing a plot. DAMN!)

Sousuke woke and hit the alarm on his watch. The room was still dark. And quiet. No sounds of traffic echoed up from the street below, no voices shouted greetings or exchanged news in front of the building. 

He looked down at the girl beside him and slid his hand down to meet delicate fingers that curled around the blanket at his waist. He took hold of them and relaxed back into the pillow. It couldn't last much longer: the sense of peace, the calm that had washed over his entire being as he lay here with Kaname. Was he asking too much to try and savor just a few more moments?

The girl stirred and exhaled sharply, then settled back against the cushion of his chest. Sousuke sighed and opened his eyes again, stealing another glance at his watch. It was over. He had to move her in order to get out of bed, but he really didn't want to wake her. He waited for her breathing to deepen once again.

A few minutes ticked by. When he was sure she was asleep, he carefully extracted himself from her loose embrace. A chill greeted his nude form, and the urge to just crawl back into bed with her intensified. He glanced back over his shoulder. She was lying, eyes closed, in the moonlight; her blue hair lay untied and fanned across his pillow. His fingers knew how soft those strands were.

Sousuke snapped his head around and moved to pick up his discarded clothes. He tugged on his t-shirt and briefs, then reached for the slacks dangling over the back of the chair. A loud clunk! resounded as his belt buckle smacked across the wooden dowels. He winced and listened for anything to indicate she had woken. Hearing nothing, he picked them up and turned to—

She was sitting up in the center of the bed, hair mussed, eyelids slightly droopy, but open. The comforter and sheet pooled around her hips, and she was bare from the waist up. Soft light peeked in through the blinds and painted her skin in silver hues; she glowed like an angel from a picture he had seen in a magazine once – an illustration to accompany a soldier's tale.

"Sousuke…"

He stood, frozen to the spot. Sheets rustled as she crawled towards the side of the bed.

"Do you have to go?"

"Yes. I have to be at the rendezvous point in—"

With one hand securing the comforter around her waist, she stretched up and took his arm, pulling him towards the bed.

He kneeled down on the edge of the mattress. Kaname sat back and tilted her head. He moved closer. "…two hours."

She smiled and let go of the covers. They fell to her knees as she cupped his face and pressed her lips to his. He kissed her back; her soft mouth yielded to his assault. 

"Then you don't have to go yet," she whispered.

"No, I --" 

Kaname smiled again; her brown eyes met his gaze and pulled him in.

The next thing he knew, his t-shirt was gone and she was beneath him, her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, soft skin melting into his. Sousuke trailed his lips down her neck, listening to her panting breath turn into something more primal as he sought to drown himself – and that infernal call of duty. She arched her back and clutched him tighter; her voice called out his name.

"Sousuke… Wait…"

"Yes?" He raised his head and found her eyes. She grinned; her complexion turned a dark shade of pink.

"Maybe we should try one of those other 'interesting' sexual positions."

**************************************************

The chopper was waiting on the launch pad when Sousuke arrived. A young pilot emerged from the craft and saluted. Sgt. Sagara returned the gesture.

The pilot tapped his watch. "You're late."

Sousuke nodded and moved to board.

"We'll be taking off right away. But we'll have to haul ass to make up the time."

"Hn." Sousuke grunted and sat down; he buckled himself into his seat.

"Thought about jus leavin' ya. But I reckon the Major wouldn't really appreciate that. Losin' his best AS pilot, ya know."

The sergeant crossed his arms and closed his eyes. The pilot climbed into the cockpit and within minutes, they were sailing through the sky.

_"Sousuke, is…is this okay?" Kaname peered down at him from where she sat with a leg on each side of his lap. Given his position lying back against the headboard, he was…rather enjoying the view._

_"Yes. It-it's good."_

_"How do I…?" She shifted over his legs and glanced down at his chest. _

_He blinked and took in the slightly confused expression she wore. She was always so different when they were alone together. He could tell she was feeling insecure. It was strange for her, he knew, but he wasn't exactly feeling too knowledgeable himself. He took her hand and pulled her towards him for a kiss._

"Sergeant, we're closin in on the rendezvous point with the Danaan. We should be landing only two minutes and thirty-four seconds behind schedule."

Sousuke's eyes shot open, dispelling the picture of the blue haired girl from his mind. The sergeant sighed. He figured he wouldn't be forgetting that image any time soon: Kaname with her head thrown back, hair tossed about wildly, and completely…beautiful. 

Sousuke smiled. She seemed to like being on top. 

And truth be told, he didn't think he really minded, either.

***************************************************

Water slapped against the belly of the sleek, grey vessel as it held its designated position in the sea. Waves broke and sprayed the surface of the landing strip that was just visible above the surface. The pilot set the chopper down, and the two men quickly disembarked. 

Kalinin stood waiting at the edge of the landing zone, his sharp eyes narrowed against the wind from the helicopter blades. "Welcome back, Sergeant."

Sousuke saluted the Major.

"At ease."

He lowered his arm, but still stood at attention. 

"You'll report to my office in two hours, once you're settled in."

"Yes, Major."

"Sgt. Sagara, I hope you won't disappoint me with your report."

"No sir."

"Dismissed."

He turned and caught sight of Kurz and Melissa waiting at the entry hatch. They started towards him, and his quick assessment of the situation was: there was no way out.

Kurz gave him a healthy "pat" on the shoulder that nearly sent him hurtling down to the sublevels. "Welcome back!"

Sousuke's eyes widened at his blond comrade, who appeared to not only still be on speaking terms with Sergeant Major Mao, but also seemed to have come through the last interruption of Melissa's phone conversation unscathed. "You're alive."

"Eh, yes, well," Kurz chuckled. "Mom decided to go easy on me. Guess she has a soft spot afterall--"

Sousuke scratched his head. "Mom?"

Melissa rolled her eyes. "Sis, mom, can't you call me by my name?"

"What? Honey bunn—" 

Melissa slammed her fist into his jaw. 

Sousuke sighed. Maybe it was just that Kurz was a quick healer. Those two still didn't make any sense. He turned in the direction of his quarters. Melissa gave up on pelting Kurz and rushed to follow him.

"Hey, Sousuke! How's Kaname?"

He kept his attention fixed on the floor. "She's well. A bit…sad, I guess, when I left."

"Yeah. You look a little down yourself. I take it things are still okay between you two?"

He felt another person move in behind him. "Okay? Okay? With a body like that, she should be better than okay. Am I right?"

"Hm?" Sousuke glanced up. Kurz had leapt out in front and was blocking their progress.

"He's not down, mom, he's tired, and his ears are probably ringing with cries of 'Oh Sousuke, oh Sousuke, oh oh oh!'"

The younger Mithril sergeant lunged across the small space and knocked Weber back against the wall. "Shut your damn mouth." Sagara glared into wide blue eyes. 

The surprise quickly fell from the other man's features and Kurz's mouth turned up into a smirk. "Or were you even man enough to take her?"

A low growl escaped Sousuke's lips.

"That's enough. Both of you."

The two men glowered at one another. From the corner of his eye, Sagara saw Melissa hovering over his shoulder. 

"Sousuke. He's an ass, but let him go."

Sagara narrowed his eyes. Kurz snarled back.

A hand touched his shoulder and Melissa spoke to him in a tender tone. "Sousuke, you have every right to be angry." 

Sagara's eyes opened wide and he choked; the sergeant ducked his head, but continued to pin Weber against the wall. _Why am I so angry? _

"But you know Kurz is only joking."

_Why? Why did I react this way?_

"He has the worst sense of humor and should never talk about a woman in that way, and certainly he deserves to one day have his head bashed in for it."

"Hey!" Kurz's malicious gaze flicked away from the younger man and settled on Melissa.

"But you don't want to do it this way. You have other things to think about, right now. Don't take your frustration out on Kurz. It's not like you, Sousuke."

_What am I doing? What's wrong with me?_

The younger sergeant let go of his friend, then spun on his heel and ran down the hall towards his room.

_Why?_

_Why do I feel like everything's out of control?_

****************************************************

He was tired. The weekend had gone by in a blur, and though he was used to going long periods of time with little sleep, this was a different sort of tired. The type of tired he felt after the Homeland mission: an exhaustion that seemed to permeate to his very core. Sousuke stared up at the ceiling over his bunk and closed his eyes. But sleep….

Sleep was an elusive enemy: always a step ahead on an endless horizon.

_The Major sat behind his desk with hands folded over a stack of files; his full attention was on Sousuke._

_"There is always something to be learned from any mission, sir." _

_The superior officer's silver head shook from side to side. "That's not what I meant. What personal lesson did you learn, Sgt. Sagara?"_

_"Personal lesson?"_

_"Yes. I don't want an opinion as to what caliber weapons you think are more appropriate for crowd control, or which AS is better suited for patrol. Those will be in Sgt. Major Mao's official report. I want to know what you learned from your experiences with people your age. Contacts you've listed in prior accounts, like Mr. Kazama and, of course, Miss Chidori."_

_A cold sweat started to trickle down the back of his neck. "I…I don't understand."_

_"I see." The Major lowered his eyes and sat back in his seat. "Perhaps I have placed you in an unfair position, sergeant." He swiveled the chair around, and Sousuke found himself staring at the back of it, with no clue as to what the Major had meant. _

_"Sir?"_

_"These are your personal affairs. I don't have the right to pry."_

_"No. It-it's not a problem. I just…I have not had time to think of the answer."_

_"Ah. Then take the weekend to consider it." Major Kalinin turned back around to face his subordinate. "You can give me a report when you get back."_

_"Yes sir." Sousuke saluted once again._

_"Dismissed."_

_Sagara__ started for the door, but froze once his hand touched the knob. He stepped back into the room and stood at attention._

_"Yes sergeant?"_

_"Do you want it written, sir?"_

_Kalinin__ let out a loud breath. "No, sergeant, I don't need a written report of your personal affairs. This is off the record."_

A knock sounded on the door to his room. Sousuke's eyes flew open. Had he actually dozed off? 

"Permission to enter." Melissa's voice sounded through the wall.

"Granted." He stood up from the bed and saluted.

"At ease. This is a personal visit, Sousuke."

He dropped his hand and pulled the chair out from under the small, built-in desk; he scooted it across the floor to Melissa.

"Thanks."

Sousuke nodded and sat back down on the bed.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

Melissa leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. "We're friends, remember? I can tell when something's bothering you. What's wrong? Is it Kaname? Did things not go well last night?"

Sagara's cheeks burned and he looked away. He just knew his expression somehow announced to everyone that he had slept with Kaname last night. 

"Sousuke?"

"Things…were fine. Last night. She didn't want me to leave this morning."

"Ahhhhh. And she wasn't the only one who didn't want you to leave, is that it?"

He faced his friend, but focused on the door over her shoulder. "I have a job to do. I'm a soldier."

"Is that what you told her?"

"Yes."

"And so you fought?"

Sousuke's shoulder slumped. "We didn't argue. She was just…upset."

_"Don't go, Sousuke, please?" Kaname clung to him; he could feel her tears soak the front of his shirt._

The young sergeant buried his face in his hands. "I don't know what to do. I have no answers to these questions. I wasn't prepared for this."

_"I have to go."_

_"How long will you be away? Can I see you? W-will you ever—"_

"I have to be away most of the time. I have dangerous missions, I could…not make it back. It is my duty." He dropped his hands. "She will just be wasting her time."

_He pushed her back to an arm's length away. "Don't wait for me."_

_"What? How can you say that? Do you think I'd do this with anyone else? Do you think I could just forget—"_

"She should find someone else…"

"Is that what you really want?" 

He still couldn't look at Melissa. He took a deep breath and pushed the words out of his mouth. "It is the best thing for her."

"But what about you?"

"A soldier's desires are immaterial."

"That's not true." Melissa stood up and crossed her arms. "I'm asking you, is that really what you want? For Kaname to find someone else, to love someone else?"

_"I-I've come to...care for you. Very much."_

_"I really do love--"_

_"Please don't go. I love you."_

Sousuke shook his head. 

"Good."

He looked up at his friend. "I don't understand."

"Sousuke, you're not just a soldier. That's your job, but it's not all that you are." She rested a hand on his arm and gave a little squeeze. "You're a good man, and you care about her. You shouldn't give up on your feelings for Kaname just because things will be hard. She knows they will be, but she cares about you, and is willing to take those risks."

"But—"

"Sousuke, it's sweet of you to want what's best for her, but isn't what's best for her being with the man she cares about? Or at least, trying to make things work?"

He turned away. "I don't know."

"What about your future? Don't you want to have a life outside of Mithril?"

"I don't know."

"And your heart?" She ducked down, and caught his gaze. "Are you just not going to love anyone because you only see yourself as a soldier?"

The Mithril sergeant shot up from his bed, forcing Melissa to flatten herself against the chair. "I don't know! I told you, I don't have these answers!"

He found the nearest wall and rested his forehead against the cool steel. His fists clenched and a tremor wracked his body.

"Sousuke, it's okay if you don't. Answers will come in time, and you have to believe you'll have that time – the way Kaname believes in you."

Sousuke picked his head up and spun around to face Melissa. "She…?" 

"Of course she believes in you. That's why she wants to be with you. She knows it's not going to be easy until you can resign, and even then, it's never easy. But she believes the times you'll have together will be worth the hardship. And that the person you are, Sousuke Sagara – not Sergeant Sagara, or her bodyguard, or even the Mithril AS pilot – is a good man. She loves _you_, Sousuke."

He nodded slowly. "I…I think I understand."

Melissa smiled. "Good. Then you should call her."

"I have a meeting with the Major, now."

"Ah. Then after your meeting?"

"I will…try to think of what to say to her."

"Tell her what's in your heart, Sousuke. That's what she needs to hear." Melissa opened the door and they both filed out. Sagara nodded again and headed off to Major Kalinan's office. 

"Sergeant Major… Melissa?"

She halted and turned around. "Yes, Sousuke?"

"Thank you." The woman gave him another smile as he started towards the Major's office.

************************************************

Major Kalinin flipped through the pages of Mao's report, skimming through paragraphs and paying particular attention only when Sagara's name came up. 

The young sergeant had been isolated from normalcy for too long. Kalinin had hoped that this latest mission would give Sousuke the chance to experience some of the life he had given up to become an agent of Mithril. The Major didn't want him to end up a soulless soldier. But that had been the way the young man was headed. Kalinin could see it in his eyes. 

It had started after the scouting mission….

_The dark-haired boy shook his head and wiped away tears with a dirty hand. "Why? Who gets to decide this person lives and this one dies?"_

_"I—"_

_"If I had been there…" _

_Kalinin__ tried to keep his voice low and even. "You'd be dead, too."_

_"No! I could have done something." Fire blazed in the young man's eyes._

_He grabbed the boy by the shoulders. "You could have done nothing!"_

He still had fight in him then. As the days wore on, the fire faded into embers.

Then into ash.

The young sergeant had slowly become little more than an automaton. He followed orders, but with the exception of working that time under Mao, had no longer stood out as any sort of asset beyond being a capable AS pilot. Kalinin had report after report after report, and they all said the same thing:

"Sgt. Sagara completed the mission exactly as ordered. Giving no more effort and no less effort than was required. He could be an outstanding soldier, if he would apply himself." 

Off the record, the reports were the same, too.

"He's empty. He has a lot of potential, but he just seems…lost. I've heard some of the other men question the rationality behind allowing someone so young into our ranks, sir. Sure, he's capable--" 

"That's enough."

"Yes, sir."

The mission with Mao gave him hope for the young man. She had given Sagara a glowing report, praising his resourcefulness at key moments and declaring him one of the finest soldiers she'd ever had the opportunity of serving with. Kalinin wasn't sure which was the catalyst – Weber, or Mao – but he figured he'd let the three work together again. Maybe Weber's irritatingly cheerful personae could draw the boy out of his self-imposed shell. Or perhaps having a woman to understand him….

Knuckles rapped a smart staccato on the door. "Reporting for duty, sir."

"Enter."

Sousuke took a few brisk steps into the room and stood at attention; as was protocol, he saluted.

"At ease, Sergeant. I told you, this is an informal report."

Sagara nodded. "Yes sir."

"You've thought about what you've learned on this mission?" Kalinin pretended to shuffle some papers on his desk. It wasn't in his nature, usually, to pry.

"Yes sir." 

He could tell even without looking the young man had not relaxed his posture at all. "Then tell me."

There was a pause for a moment. The Major glanced up at the soldier. Exactly as he thought, Sagara was still standing at attention with his lips in a tightly pressed line. "If it's a long report, you may sit down, sergeant."

"No. It is not a long report."

"Go ahead, then. Off the record." Kalinin went back to pretending to examine a file.

"Major, the most valuable thing I learned on this mission…." Sagara's voice sounded strained. 

"Sergeant, if it's too personal—"

"Is that I am Sousuke Sagara."

The Major lifted his eyes and met the young man's gaze. There was focus, determination…. That spark of humanity and compassion had returned and burned with intensity in the young man's expression. The sergeant looked away and squared his shoulders once more. 

"Very well then. You're dismissed," Kalinin said. He turned and bent forward to return a file folder to the cabinet behind his desk. The other occupant of the room made no effort to move.

"D-dismissed?"

"Yes. Dismissed." He closed the file drawer and righted himself in his chair. "You may go back to your quarters and have the rest of the day to get any additional affairs in order."

Sousuke saluted, did a quick left face, and exited the way he came. Kalinin folded his hands on his desk and allowed himself a smile.

The Major stepped out of his office a while later to do a routine check and travel the halls. It always gave him time to think. 

Sousuke's report had lifted a weight from his shoulders. The older man had been concerned, perhaps in a way similar to a father looking after his son. Kalinin himself had no sons. He had married military life long ago, and remained faithful to it all these years.

_There are men who are born to be soldiers…. _ Hands folded behind his back, Kalinin wasn't inspecting much as he walked down the hall, caught in his musings.

_But a good soldier is not always a good man._

_Many a bastard has lived and died on the battlefield. _A brief flash of that cockroach, Gauron's, face appeared in his mind. _Yes. Bastard._ Kalinin snarled and turned a corner, heading down the path towards Sagara's quarters. 

_And even I am not what I consider a good man. _

He stopped as he got close to the door, not really understanding why he had come, and determined to pass by without further intruding on the young sergeant's time, when the old adage came to mind: _Great men die heroes._

The Major shook his head. _Don't be a great man, Sagara._

As if in answer, Sousuke's voice sounded from within. "Yes, Kaname…. It's okay."

Kalinin smiled and continued on his way. 

_But do better than me. _

Be a good man.

"I…I miss you, too, Kaname."


End file.
